His arms trembled as he held the thick needle in his hands; almost as much as his fingers trembled the first time he sent his now-fiancee a text to hang out for the first time. The phone number had so many zeroes, he initially thought she had given him a telemarketer’s number. However, the smile on manifested in his face from the memories quickly disappeared as his attention went back to the needle in his hand and back to the spot on his thigh as the target. Though he dreaded the pain, he knew that testosterone shot would get him a step closer to feeling like himself. Facial hair, a deeper voice and thicker skin.
But this is only the beginning of the journey for his physical appearance to match with who he is inside and eradicate the feeling of being trapped inside the wrong body. For Ashton Allan and other transexuals who go through the transition to their desired carnal shell, testosterone or hormonal shots become a commitment for the rest of their lives.
As for Ashton’s most significant support system, his fiancee Zaynuh is also committed to helping him battle the everyday struggles of body dysmorphia triggered by what cis-het people see as daily routine.
While most people get up in the morning and put on their outfit without having to think twice, Zaynuh witnesses her husband-to-be wake up earlier to bind his breast to give his chest a more masculine appearance.
“There were times where my heart would break when he would have fits of rage over his chest being too big and then him not even wanting to go out,” Zaynuh said. “He would punch his chest, yell or even cry at times. All I could do was hold him.”
Though binding cloths made of spandex are sold in many major clothing stores, a vast majority of trans folk don’t necessarily have the monetary resources to buy these articles of underwear and turn to tape and ace bandages to do the binding.
But perhaps the most triggering action is not a battle against themselves, but society’s atrocious obsession of purposely misgendering trans folks due to their beliefs only two genders exist.
In efforts to “pass” as his gender, Ashton must not only bind his chest, but also worry about his continuous voice sounding masculine and even urinating in a “manly” way to not be a target of misgendering.
“There are times when his anxiety over his body dysmorphia are the biggest challenge to deal with because I am not him,” said his fiancee. “I don’t have to worry about my binder showing in what I wear, I don’t have to worry about what my pee sounds like when I’m going to the restroom or if I was “passing” or if my voice was masculine enough for a person to gender me properly. I hated that he had to worry about so much, I wanted to be like a cloak of protection, to hide him away from all the negativity or the stares of people trying to figure him out.”
Recently, a video of a trans woman having an emotional breakdown at a GameStop went viral, as she demanded the store employee referred to her in her preferred pronoun. In the video, one can clearly hear the employee referring to her as “sir,” which infuriated the woman as she knocked down videogames in proximity.
The woman, later identified as Tiffany Moore, was ridiculed through memes, and the video was flooded with thousands of comments which invalidated her due to her lack of “feminine” features. Even news articles later written about the spectacle used the improper pronouns, mocking her even further.
Inquiring about someone’s pronouns isn’t offensive; on the contrary, it’s highly encouraged amongst non-cisgendered people. If your friend or loved one is misgendered, it is essential one acts as an ally and immediately correct the other person regardless of how uncomfortable the situation may become.
Before commencing his testosterone treatment, Ashton was often misgendered and even experienced discrimination in the workplace where fellow employees made insulting comments to poke fun at his gender identity. Disgusting comments such as, “It smells like vagina, are you on your period?” are a daily occurrence for Ashton and many other transexuals who face transphobia conveniently disguised as jokes.
“There were times when people would misgender him and I would correct them and it would just make the interaction so awkward after the fact,” said Zaynuh. “I cringed every time they wouldn’t call him the correct gender. On the other hand, every time he was gendered properly he would look back with a huge smile on his face while I applauded for the fact that even something as small as that would make him feel better about himself.”
Amongst costly testosterone treatments, most (but not all) transgender people wish to have gender reassignment surgery, which can range from $12,000 to $50,000 according to Cost-helper.com. Though extremely costly, the surgery would finalize the transition process for trans folks and make them feel more comfortable in their bodies.
According to Zaynuh, though she and Ashton have been engaged for four years, and she decided to put the wedding aside to save up for a better cause, her fiance’s sexual reassignment surgery, and legal name change.
“I’d rather prioritize our saving for his changes rather than marriage,” said Zaynuh. “I know how much we love each other and I want him to be married in the body and names he wants.”
Because most trans folks realize they could never afford a gender reassignment surgery, they become victims of depression and have suicidal ideation because they feel they’ll never be content and accepting of their body.
Due to the lack of acceptance in society and constant criticism of their identities, transgenders have the highest suicide attempt rates amongst the LGBTQ+ community. According to the National Transgender Discrimination Survey (NTDS) conducted by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and National Center for Transgender Equality, 41 percent of transgenders attempt suicide, which vastly exceeds the 4.6 percent of the overall U.S. population who report a lifetime suicide attempt, and is also higher than the 10-20 percent. More on those demographics here.
It is also vital not to confuse gender identity with sexual orientation, as gender is merely a social construct. Ashton, a FTM (female to male) transgender identifies as a heterosexual male and is attracted to women. However, transexuals can also identify as non-binary and express fluid sexuality which doesn’t conform with gender norms.
Undoubtedly the most significant issue trans folks face is the constant threat of violence performed against them and the little coverage their murders obtain in the media. The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) has a page on their website dedicated to updating and providing coverage of trans murders, especially trans women of color.
Most recently in the midst of Trump’s detention center madness, a 33-year-old trans woman of color identified as Roxana Hernández, was physically abused and died while in the custody of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) after fleeing violence in Honduras as part of the Central American caravan. An independent autopsy report strongly indicated Hernández was beaten while in custody and was transferred to the hospital until it was too late.
A couple of month before her death, Hernández Rodriguez told BuzzFeed News she decided to flee Honduras after contracting HIV from being a victim of gang-rape by four members of the MS-13 gang.
To respect their identity, GLAAD urges news sources to “use the lived identity, name, and pronoun of the victim.” and to “Report on each victim with dignity and respect, portraying them as a person, not just a statistic.”
As a society, we must question why trans folks along with other members of the LGBTQ+ communities are marginalized and called degrading names due to their sexual orientation, yet also experience high levels of sexual assault by “heterosexual” men. So who’s the real “faggot”?
Next time a trans person is open about their pronouns, ask yourself why you find the need to challenge their beliefs with your own if they have no impact on your personal life. With the little to no media representation surrounding trans people, especially of color, it is crucial we become allies in raising awareness about their existence and the validity of their lives.
In order to bury the negative stigmas often associating their non-conforming attitudes to past traumas or even categorizing their identity as a result of mental illness, we must let them share their voice and spread it like wildfire.
Trans Representation in Media
If someone asked you if you felt trans folks were represented in daily media you consume, you'd probably have a hard time coming up with anything at the top of your head besides maybe Laverne Cox from the popular Netflix original "Orange is the New Black." However, movies and T.V. shows have portrayed the trans community as outcast, undesirable and pretty much plain disgusting at times since motion pictures have been around. Below you will find examples of transphobia in your favorite show or movies you may have initially missed.
Trans Demonized in Horror Films
Transphobia in Hip-Hop Culture
Comentários