Since the day I found out I was carrying a tiny soon-to-be-human in my belly, I knew for a fact that I wanted to raise them as gender neutral as logically possible.
Even though I am rich in Mexican culture, I am committed to NOT raising my boys as “machistas”. I love my culture, but it is my Mexican culture and their comments that usually make me cringe, especially when other people make these comments towards my children.
Stupid comments such as, “No llores, pareces niña!” (Dont cry like a girl!”)
Whenever I hear people say this, I immediately reassure the boys that even though The Cure wrote a song stating otherwise, BOYS DO CRY! AND IT’S TOTALLY OKAY!
I firmly believe that the immediate disapproval young boys receive at slightest manifestation of emotion, only results in them becoming inconsiderate assholes as adults.
Mothers need to constantly reassure their boys that it is totally normal and HEALTHY to portray and talk about their emotions in order to prevent the growth of hyper masculinity in today’s society.
We can’t raise our boys disassociated from emotions, yet turn around and complain about men not understanding our feelings, brushing them off, or acting like total fuckboys. Those are the monsters we create when we prohibit boys from depicting their feelings.
My oldest boy, Aidenn, plays with barbies, loves Disney princesses, and even asked for a Barbie Dream House as a Christmas present. My boys also watch shows aimed at a female audience such as Nick Jr.’s “Shimmer and Shine” and Disney Jr.’s “Sofia the First”. Shows are just entertainment, and toys are just toys. No need to associate them with gender.
Now, my youngest son is the one who has been the target of stupid comments. He has had long messy curls for most of his life, so one hot day I decided to give him a small man bun to keep him cool. He walked into his classroom unnoticed, FOR THE MOST PART.
I honestly expected other kids to say something, but instead, I was surprised to find out it was a teacher who exclaimed, “Mason, you’re not a girl!” pointing to his bun. I immediately turned towards her and gave her the whatthefuckdidyoujustsayaboutmysonbitch????? look. Obviously I immediately told her to mind her own motherfucking business because no one makes comments about HER weave. I talked to the principal as well, not with the motive to get her in trouble, but to prevent other kids from having to hear these comments from people they look up to. Mason was so sad about her comment, that he never wants to wear his hair like that again.
Just the fact that my son’s self esteem was hurt because a grown ass woman chose to make a dumb comment, really makes my blood boil! To the point that if Mason even knew cuss words, I wouldn’t have minded Mason going Kevin Hart on a bitch.
"My mom told me to tell you! To mind your damn motherfucking business bitch, you lil’ stupid bitch , dumb teacher bitch, 2+2 not knowin’ what the fuck it is bitch, cross eyed cryin’ down your back fat foot ass bitch, long titty no nipple havin’ ass bitch!"
That unfortunately has not been the only incident in which my youngest son has had his feelings hurt. Last month, he decided he wanted to dye his hair pink. YES PINK. I hesitated to answer his request and even put blue and green hair dyes in front of him, but he had his mind set on pink.
I feared comments from other kids this time, because I knew damn well the other teachers wouldn’t dare make a comment after witnessing my confrontation with their fellow teacher. I also feared that Mason’s dad would make negative comments once he saw him as well.
We were actually going to a Twenty One Pilots concert, so I thought I’d please Mason with his hair request so he could look like Josh Dun, since that was his motive. As soon as we walked up to the cashier at the beauty store, Mason could not contain his excitement and said, “I’m going to have pink hair like Josh!”
The lady at the counter immediately gave me a weird look, followed by, “you know that dye is permanent, right???” Annoyed as fuck, but not trying to jump over the counter to smack that bitch in front of the boys, I simply responded, “It’s actually semi permanent, but thanks for your concern!”
I then started to doubt my decision, afraid of making my son even more of a target for stupid, unnecessary comments from irrelevant ass people. I looked at Mason’s smile and look of excitement, and realized I couldn’t take it back now.
Long story short (lol, “short”), I dyed mason’s hair and he LOVED it. He went to school the next day and all his friends showered him with compliments. The teachers as well! (THAT’S RIGHT!)
It was not until the boys came back from their dad’s house that Sunday that I was faced with a problem regarding his hair. Mason’s dad…died his hair back to brown!
I felt so…pissed, offended, and hella heart broken! Mason was so down about it, that he refused to go to school on Monday. I asked Aidenn why his dad had dyed Mason’s hair and he replied that his dad didn’t like Mason’s hair because that hair was for girls.
Again, my blood boiled and I felt so sad for Mason. I thought about how he may have felt, embarrassed, even humiliated. Mason wanted pink hair and to be Josh Dun for the concert, and his dad robbed him of that just because he associates the color pink with the female gender! THINK ABOUT IT REAL GOOD AND TELL ME IT DOESN’T SOUND FUCKING RIDICULOUS!
I dyed Mason’s hair back to pink and he was so darn happy, it made me come to tears. I was happy to see him smile again, but my mind still raced with possibilities of future scenarios in which someone’s comments would impact their “masculinity”.
So please, if your boys like playing with dolls, let them. Don’t instill gender role bullshit in their head. Same is the case for little girls! Don’t limit your daughter on what she can accomplish just because her goals don’t fall on society’s standards on feminism. Let both boys AND girls manifest their feelings and let them cry when they have the need to cry.
If we keep raising boys that showing emotion is a sign of weakness, and that this said weakness is equivalent to being “feminine”, we are only setting them up for failed relationships (romantic or not) because of their indifference towards emotions.
Don’t be a dick. Break the cycle.
SUSHI ROLES NOT GENDER ROLES!
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